I am currently at that point in life where at family gatherings people ask me ‘So what is your plan after this one then?’ or simply joke ‘Are you going to get onto another course at Uni after this one to keep you from the real world?’
And the answer is, if I could I would.
But in saying that, I am already so envious of my friends getting their first post Uni jobs and buying their first houses with their loved ones. I feel that everyone around me are already ten steps ahead and have got themselves pulled together. What am I doing with myself? I am nowhere near that stage of my life. I can only just keep my goldfish alive and look after myself. I struggle to pay my rent every term and scramble change together for our weekly food shops. I find it such a chore to cook myself a ‘proper’ meal every day and have found myself stuck between the student mentalities and wanting to grow up.
I feel most of us experience that ‘Just graduated from University and I’m stuck in a rut. What am I doing? Where do I go from here?’
For me it wasn’t too bad at first. I luckily got accepted onto a masters course (Yay for Mental Health Nursing) which is fabulous. But it is three years. Three. I still don’t feel like I know what I am doing and I may have just extended that ‘rut’ for a few more years.
But it is okay. I tell myself everyday it’s okay. Things can only get better. Things do get better. As the Beatles said, ‘There is nowhere you can be that isn’t where your supposed to be.’
Seeing my friends off around the globe posting pictures of their grand adventures whilst I am sat in my grubby student flat does make me feel a bit shit. I am so so happy for my friends don’t get me wrong. And I tell myself ‘your time will come’. So smile, keep your chin up and crack on. The student debt, lost sleep, hard work and many many hours spent on placement will all be worth it. It’ll all be worth it in the end.
Next time we’re at a family party, please don’t ask me what I am doing.
To summarise, I don’t know what I am doing or where I am going and as much as that stresses me out- I’m trying to be okay with that.